Stop kidding yourself… it’s worse than you think!

Gossip ruins plans and lives--here's how to stop it.

Some people consider gossip a bad habit. But it is much worse than that. Many moons ago, a guy named “Apostle Paul” (from Bible fame) included gossips with some pretty bady people: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips.”

Ouch! C’mon Paul, why so brutal? It’s probably for a good reason. Families have been ruined and business have been shut down by gossip.

In the marketplace, MILLIONS $$$ has been spent to stop gossip. It ends up that there is one (free!) skill that works—more on that in a moment.

In research journals, gossip is called “informal communication.” It means that people are saying things that don’t need to be said. Did you catch my definition?

Gossip isn’t lying! Saying things that are not true… that is called lying. Gossip is saying things that usually are true… they just don’t need to be said!

Research reveals that “…damaging, negative news about rivals” is the most likely form of gossip. That hurts, doesn’t it? One small leadership skill can turn the hurt into healing—if you have the guts to do it.

Here’s the skill: Speak second! And teach others to speak second as well! You see, the second person to speak wins the conversation…

When a small group is talking and someone says, “Joe just doesn’t seem to get it. Will he ever learn?” The next (second) person to speak wins the conversation. If the second speaker says, “I know what you mean. Last week Joe was supposed to give a report…” We can see where that gossip is headed. But if the second speaker says, “I don’t know, Joe might have had a rough patch, but he has been very helpful to me…” Research shows that the conversation will go the direction established by the second person to speak!

THE BOTTOM LINE: The opportunity to limit gossip is critical information for our businesses, friends, homes, and other organizations. It is news you can use; why don’t you try it today?

Dr. Rob

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From My Spartan Race: 3 Incredible Life Lessons!

I put together the team, but I became the student...

LeaderTribers!

Last year, at 55 years of age, I ran in 3 Spartan Races. You know, those crazy runs where you carry sandbags through muddy swamps, climb cargo nets, and crawl under barbed wire… And you have to pay to do it!

My wife (Dawn) attended all three events with me, and at the end of the “race” she would usually say, “The parts I could see look like fun.” Here’s the thing—she’s right! Yeah, you have to get in shape, and you have to have the right team. But if you can jog 3 miles without stopping and do 30 burpees within 5 minutes, I can get you across the finish line.

So I told Dawn, “If you’d like to start working out a little bit more, I’ll put together a team of people who will make it there goal in life to help you make it.” She decided to go for it! So a couple of weeks ago, our team of 18 people (coincidentally there were 9 guys and 9 ladies), completed a Spartan Sprint race! It took us a little over 3 hours and in Dawn’s words, “That is the most fun thing that I have ever done!” (She has the sore muscles and bruises to prove it.)

I learned 3 life-lessons along the way. These three principles will help in daily life and will become central themes if we ever run another Spartan.

  1. Stress can be a good thing.

At the beginning of the race, the 13 people on our team that had not completed a Spartan were nervous and a little scared. Their focus was incredible. They listened well to instructions and encouragement, they didn’t start too fast, and they were really glad they had begun working out 3 or 4 days a week. Putting their muscles under stress had paid off! Harvard Business Review has a great article on the benefits of positives stress. Bad stress is bad, but good stress is great.

2. Accomplishment is what brings self-confidence.

We had 2 ladies in their 40’s and one beautiful lady in her late 50’s running their very first Spartan Races. But they had been working out 3 or 4 days a week for at least a couple of months. About a third of the way through, you could actually see their confidence building. Their fear gave way to conviction and purpose. We’d complete a big obstacle and with a gleam in their eye they’d say, “What’s next?” Psychology research confirms that the key to self-esteem is accomplishment.

  1. Reframing your inner conversation makes life much better.

Our team members were not asking, “What’s the next obstacle we have to do?” Instead, they were asking, “What’s the next thing we get to do? Wow! What a difference!!!

Instead of “I have to meet with a guy who doesn’t get it,” choose a new mindset. “I get to meet with the guy…” Think of it this way. ‘Someone has to love the dude enough to say something—I have the privilege of doing that.’ Do I really want to help the guy? Yes! Then “I get to” becomes a powerful way to reframe the inner conversation.

A Stanford University professor shares a great story on this:

My favorite is a guy at Stanford who pretends that he’s a doctor who studies “total jerks.” When he sees these people in meetings, he pretends that it’s a privilege to be able to see such a rare specimen. It’s a sort of detachment — pretending you’re a doctor, just observing.”  

THE BOTTOM LINE: Yes, you can embrace good stress, accomplish some personally important goals, and reframe your inner conversation! Pick one—and make it a great week!

Dr. Rob

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The Secret Google Unveiled About Teambuilding

One discovery was far more important than the others

Google completed a project that they named The Aristotle Project, after the famous philosopher who said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” The project explored what was needed to have a great team at work. The company gathered data from 180 different teams at the Googleplex to decide “once and for all” how to construct a great team.

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Here’s what the word “Encourage” actually means…

The story below is very scary, but true. You can pour courage into others...

  • Jenna (not her real name) is married to a friend of mine. She took her kids to a large amusement park in Atlanta on one of the hottest days of the summer. It was the grand opening of a huge new ride! The local TV and radio stations had been telling of this day for months. The new ride was the star attraction of the park. The lines were never longer.

In a sea of sweating moms and whiny kids, Jenna and her kids had been moving up about an inch at a time. The heat was stifling, but their suffering was about to be worth it: they could now see the front of the line and they would be getting on the ride in the next five minutes.

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The Courage to Stop Thinking Like a Criminal

When life gets hard, do this!

I’m convinced that most people in jail have an “it’s not my fault” mentality. Some of them freely admit that they did wrong, but “it’s not nearly as bad as what that guy did, and he didn’t have to serve any time… it’s not fair.”

OK, then that person get’s out of jail. Now what?

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